Many stories from the Bible sound as if God were the inspiration of these verses have been drunk. Read in this part of our series "Stories from the Bible" why this is so ...
TOTSCHLAG argument
Everything is relative. Many devout Christians would look like a Cheshire cat, when Paul, one of the main authors of the New Testament, and preachers of the Gospel, could hear preach in person.
Other people, however Paul is bored with his Drivel to death. And this is not meant literally.
"7 On the first day of the week, as the disciples came together to break bread, Paul preached unto them, and wanted to travel the next day and went to talk to midnight. [...]
9 It was but a young man by the name of Eutychus in a window and sank into a deep sleep, seeing that Paul was talking so long, and was overcome by sleep and fell down from the third balcony and was taken up dead. "
(Acts 20:7,9)
9 It was but a young man by the name of Eutychus in a window and sank into a deep sleep, seeing that Paul was talking so long, and was overcome by sleep and fell down from the third balcony and was taken up dead. "
(Acts 20:7,9)
SEX-GOD
God appears in the Bible many people - in visions, dreams or just for lunch . Through his often theatrical performances, we also learn something about his appearance.
"9 Moses and Aaron, Nadab and Abihu and seventy elders of Israel went up
10 and saw the God of Israel. under his feet it was like a beautiful sapphire and how the shape of the sky when it's clear. "
(Exodus 24:9-10)
" 1 of the year because the king Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting on a high and lofty throne, and his hem filled the temple.
2 seraphim stood above him, every one had six wings: with two they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they flew.
3 And one cried to another and said Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts: the whole earth is His glory full! "
(Isaiah 6:1-3)
" 7 He showed me again a face, and behold, the Lord stood on a wall, with a Lead line measured, and he had the lead rope in his hand. "
(Amos 7:7)
" 1 Praise the Lord, O my soul! O Lord my God, you are very great; You are clothed with honor and majesty.
2 light as with a dress that you wear; you spread out the heavens like a carpet, "
(Psalm 104:1-2)
" 3 God came from lunch and the Holy One from Paran mountain. (Selah) His praise of the sky was full, and honor the earth was full.
4 His brilliance was like a candle, and went rays from his hands, it was hidden from his power.
5 Before him went pestilence, plague and went where he went to.
6 He stood and measured the earth, he looked up and made the nations quake that shattered had the mountains, which are from of old were, and to bend the everlasting hills, as he einherzog as of old.
[...]
8 Were not you angry, Lord, in thy wrath in the flood and the waters, and thy wrath at sea, since you rode on your horses and your chariots victory kept ?
9 You pulled out the bow, as you were sworn to the tribes (sela!) and circulate the flows into the country.
10 The mountains saw thee, and they became frightened, then drove the water flow, the depth was heard, the amount lifted up his hands.
11 sun and moon stood still. Your arrows drove there and shine your light with spears of lightning.
12 You trampled the land in anger and zerdroschest the heathen in anger. "
(Habakkuk 3:3-6,8-12)
But such intimate details as in Ezekiel, there are other .. nowhere tells us that prophet that God has fiery loins
"26 And was over the sky, up above them, it was designed like a sapphire, even as a chair, and on the chair sat a just as a human being designed.
27 And I looked and there was bright light, and inside it was decorated like a fire over and over. from his loins upward and downward over I saw shine's like fire over and over.
28 looks Just as the rainbow in the clouds when it rained, so it shone round about. This was the sight of the glory of the Lord. "
(Ezekiel 1:26-28)
Unfortunately he has no lady to cool with a pure and divine-and-out game at the fire a little. The poor guy! It is probably therefore a his favorite hobbies, the people with myriad rules spoil the fun of sex.
WTF?
Perhaps absurd and bizarre chapters of the Bible - and that's saying something - is Chapter 9 of the book judge. It begins with a story of Abimelech the beginning of the career of the king. To come into office, the first kills his 70 brothers - and that too in one go.
"5 And he came into his father's house and gene Ophra slew his brothers , the children Jerubbaal, seventy men, on a stone. It was left but Jotham Jerubbaal the youngest son, for he was hidden.
6 And they gathered all the men of Shechem and the whole house of Millo went out and made Abimelech king, by the tall oak that stands in Shechem. "
(Judges 9:5-6)
After God has handed this historical fact on the ground down writers of the Bible, the Lord begrudge probably a bit too much alcohol. He begins at length to babble of talking trees.
"8 The trees went forth that they anoint a king over them, and said to the olive tree: Be our king!
9 But the olive tree answered them, Should I leave my fatness, which go to both gods and men, praise me, and that I hover over the trees?
10 the trees said to the fig tree, Come thou, and reign!
11 But the fig tree said unto them, Should I leave my sweetness, and my good fruit and go, that I float above the trees?
12 therefore said The trees the vine, Come thou, and reign!
13 But the vine said unto them : Should I leave my must, of gods and men make merry and go, that I float above the trees "
(Judges 9:8? -13)
After all, the Lord is here, that makes him happy, the wine, like other gods also. insight is the first step to recovery.
The strange story of the talking green stuff goes on. Talking snakes , and talking donkey have God appear not been sufficient.
"14 As the trees said to Bush: Come and be our king
15 And the bush said to the trees: Is it true that you anointed me king over you, then come and familiarize you with my shadow, if not, let fire go out of the bramble and devour the cedars of Lebanon. "
(Judges 9:14-15)
God is finally back somewhat in their right mind and continues the story of King Abimelech. She with the killing of 70 men to the Lord do not really like. But the mills of God grind slowly, so it takes a full three years, pending the response.
"22 Now when Abimelech had reigned three years over Israel,
23 God sent an evil will between Abimelech and the men of Shechem. And the men of Shechem were Abimelech unfaithful
24 so that the crime committed against the seventy sons Jerubbaal, and her blood came to Abimelech their brother, who strangled had, and had sent the men of Shechem, who strengthened his hand to him, that he slew his brothers. "
(Judges 9:22-24)
the evil will of the God of the inhabitants of Shechem, is Unfortunately, her death sentence. But God could have foreseen anything.
"49 since cut all the people from every one a bough, and followed Abimelech, and put them to the fortress and put's on fire, that all men of the tower of Shechem died a thousand men and women. "
(judges 9:49)
Poor Abimelech is killed but nevertheless later, in another city. A woman smashed his skull. A woman!
"53 But a woman threw a millstone on Abimelech's head and broke his skull."
(Judges 9:53)
The King is now, with his skull shattered, quite struck. But for his last important fact, he takes up his strength again: it can be stabbed by one of his slaves. So that no one could say of him, a woman have killed him.
"54 Abimelech called haste the servant who carried his weapons, and said to him, from Draw your sword and kill me that one can not say of me: A woman strangled him. pierced Then his servant, and he died. "
(Judges 9:54)
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>> Part 5: "Down the Rabbit Hole "
